My brother has been on my mind all day. I mean he’s there all the time anyways, but today it’s been constant. To be honest I cried in the car earlier today. Certainly will be while writing this. Just those moments when you miss someone so much and you just want to hear their voice and you are trying to remember their voice. I know I can’t forget him, that is impossible, but some days…ugh, it’s like how come I can’t hear him?? Grief is never easy and it’s never ending. And even on silly holidays like Valentine’s it makes you miss the important people in your life even more. Love is shared every day and if you are lucky to know real love ( family or romantic) it’s hard when you are missing it.
It dawned on me that there was a Valentine’s day years ago, like 14 years or something, when I couldn’t talk to my brother. Some things had happened and we hadn’t talked in a while. Well he called me on Valentine’s and I missed his call because I was in class (or probably the horrible cell phone service we had then). I freaked out because I just needed to talk to him. He eventually tried calling again and we talked briefly. You just never know how important those moments are and how they will affect you years to come. And honestly, that’s all I want right now is to talk to him. I want to hear him laugh and joke. Say something tremendously stupid so he could get me to laugh. He wasn’t perfect, but he was perfectly mine. He’s probably looking at me now like “really, Lindsey…it’s okay, I’m here.” 🙂
If you are dealing with grief, I hope you have a great support system around you or feel comfortable to talk about it. I actually keep a lot in, but writing about it is healing for me and I believe it can be healing for others. We are all dealing with it and if you aren’t now, you certainly will at some point in your life. Just be kind and gentle with yourself. Acknowledge when it comes to, feel it fully, take a deep breathe and let it go. It is okay. You will be okay, for that I promise. One day at time.
To my brother, Happy Valentine’s Day. I love you with everything I have. Until we see each other again, I’ll see you in my dreams.