I’ve been there too many times to count. But I’m so aware of it now, I know what I need to do before I get too caught up. Before I get lost, again. I’ve promised to never lose her again and I meant it. She’s been sending me signs, that I wasn’t quite seeing. But I heard her cries loud and clear. There’s nothing wrong with a reset. There’s nothing wrong with a step back. There’s nothing wrong with taking time to be with you.
To rekindle. To recalibrate. To reconnect. To recreate. To rebirth.
Do it as many times as you need to.
Go within. Love is there. Listen closely. Hold on tight. Love with all your might.
I gave my heart another chance Took her by surprise Gave her all I ever had to give Took back all the lies Took back all the shame Took back all the doubts Begged for forgiveness And showed up not only with words But with my actions I promised to listen within I promised to hold on I promised our breaks would mend I gave my heart another chance She loved me every step of the way She loved me for all that I was She loved me for all I was never meant to be I gave my heart another chance She held me and said don’t worry She told me I will wipe your tears She told me she forgave me I am back home where I belong I am home where my heart is I am home with me She’s the best love I could have ever asked for She’s me
It took years and hard work to love all of me. Every single part. When I wrote this poem (2017), I was in a bad depressive episode. Few knew it, I was a high functioning depressive. I seriously remember wanting to escape from the world and I didn’t know how to get myself right. For the first time, I was also experiencing anxiety attacks. I was prescribed meds that I didn’t like. They helped with sleep, but I was not me. And I so desperately just wanted to be me. The real me who got lost along the way of a destructive and unnecessary “relationships” and near death experiences, all while still dealing with extreme grief.
But I made it out. I focused on small steps and eventually found my abandoned heart. I picked her up and nutured her back. It took three years to find true healing and love within myself. The journey still continues, but both sides of me are balanced and working together this time. We aren’t losing each other ever again.
I’m happy I chose me, every single day.
Choose you too. ♡
She Deserves Your Love
You love the happy and goofy
But, dear Lindsey
Don’t forget to love the insecure and depressed you
I hope you had a great weekend! Did anyone go on an exciting hike? If so, leave a comment below!
I have been resting and doing a lot for my Life Coaching business this week (it’s only Tuesday- lol) so I am a bit behind on getting this post out, but here it is!
Sunday was another beautiful day in San Antonio! We ventured the local favorite, Friedrich Wilderness Park. I have been here several times, and I love that it is so much easier each time I go! We completed exactly 5 miles! We took the Entry trail to N. Main Loop Trail to Juniper Ridge to Vista Loop to Restoration Way, then Mill Pass back to Restoration and Main Loop.
If you are looking for some inclines or flat areas, this park has it all. The most popular trail spot is Vista Loop. It is a gorgeous area to see all the trees and the hillside in the distance. It also has a great spot to stop and meditation. Most of the trails are pretty rocky and also have a lot of tree roots, so be careful with your footing. Overall, this is a great park to test your endurance if you are still new to hiking.
The surrounding area is growing commercially and residentially, and parking can be trouble in late morning and midday. I have always gone in the morning by 8am and sometimes still have to park on the street. So if you ever venture here, plan to get there early!
Yesterday’s hike was amazing for a few reasons. Remembering why I love sharing my love of nature with others. There is something so beautiful about being connected with others who look like you. I am so happy to see more Blacks out in nature over the years. Enjoying life and connecting over the way Mother Nature’s beauty surrounds us. Setting goals, laughing, challenging, and encouraging each other.
This Sunday, I had the opportunity to host a group hike, which comprised of individuals from all levels of activity. For many this was the first “official” hike and on top of that…we completed 10 miles. Yes, some newbies, bit the bullet and pushed their limits, and hit 10 miles. I loved that everyone wanted to stay together. We encouraged each other and made sure we took plenty of breaks. It was an amazing accomplishment and I am beyond proud of them! And luckily, I didn’t scare them away! Hiking is a good obsession to have!
We met at Purgatory Creek Natural Area in San Marcos (TX). The park is mostly flat with some small inclines. The trails range from dirt to rocky (small to very large), so watch your step! We started at the Lower Purgatory trailhead. It took us about 5 miles to start from the Lower to Upper. We took the Dante trail to Malacoda trail to reach the Grotto and then double backed to Dante trail to Upper Purgatory. On the way back, we took Styx to Paraiso to Dante and then over what I think was Ovid to over the Dam (that area is a bit confusing-ha!). You can also access the area from Prospect Park on the other side of Wonder World highway. I will have to venture that way next time!
For the most part, the trails are marked well, but there is still some confusion on both sides. So be careful, it would be good to stuy the map prior to going and take a picture (or print it out before) at the trailheads. They are doing some trail work and have closed off older trails in some parts. Also, if you ever plan to go during spring (March-May) the Paraiso Trail is closed off for nesting season for the Endangered Golden Cheek Warbler. There are plenty of trees on most of the trails, so if you do this on a hot day, you will benefit from some shade at least!
It’s been a long, yet amazing week. I went to a meditation retreat for the last few days and it was just the experience I needed to start the new year. While the focus of the retreat was on meditation and learning to be our higher selves, we experienced an amazing time surrounded by nature. You know I was happy!
The retreat was settled in the Lajitas Golf Resort in Lajitas, Texas. We were nestled between Big Bend National Park and the US/Mexico Border at the Rio Grande. Y’all…the landscape alone was enough to be immersed in. I saw some of the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets, not to mention it was pitch black at night! It was just an amazing spirit in the air. I will make that 7.5 hours drive again for those views alone.
Hike 4: Santa Elena Canyon, Big Bend National Park
On the second day of being in Lajitas, we traveled mid-morning into Big Bend National Park. A few quick facts about Big Bend. IT’S HUGE! Big Bend is 1,252 mi² and 801,163 acres! It borders the Rio Grande for 196 miles. Before we completed the drive to Santa Elena Canyon, we stopped at Sotol Vista off the Ross Maxwell Scenic Drive. From there you can see several points of interest, including the canyon creating a wide-open space in the middle of the backdrop. Santa Elena Canyon is split in half, with the north side in the US (Texas) side and the south side in Mexico (Chihuahua) side. While it is not tall in comparison to the peaks in the area, it sits at 1,500ft. The trail itself is short, going about a mile in, for two miles round trip. It’s great for all hikers and gives a bit of a challenge in the beginning climb to the trail. But nothing you can’t do!
It was fun to hear people call out into the canyon, hearing the sound travel throughout. We stopped for a bit eat lunch and take photos before turning back. On the way back, we saw a pack of javelinas heading towards the riverbank, before they realized several humans were nearby, and turned around back into the shrubbery. While this was a very short hike for me, it was worth it. To see something so grand formed in nature and recognizing the strength that water holds. Truly a moment in time, I will never forget.
Hike 5: Mesa de Anguila Trail, Big Bend National Park
On the third day of the retreat, we had some downtime, so what better to do than find a trail close by! There were a few trails nearby, some walking distance and some a brief drive up or down the road. We decided to take on the walking distance one. With no map available, we followed the directions one of the resort’s porters suggested earlier. This ended up being the Mesa de Anguila Trail. Fun fact about this trail, it leads to the same range that Santa Elena Canyon cuts through several miles down. Due to time, we didn’t trek the actual mountain but reached its base and turned around. I found this trail map after the fact, but it appears the trail is about 8 miles to Santa Elena itself. We were able to complete 3.4 miles to and from the resort. I would love to venture into this trail the next time I visit.
Overall, though both hikes were short, I love that I was able to have this experience. Big Bend is a magical place and I look forward to another trip in the future. I will probably try to be there for about 5 days. The park does offer suggestions on what trails/ranges to visit depending on the time of your stay. So if this is on your list, be sure to check out the suggestions and plan accordingly!
I was thankful for this landscape as well, as it was reminiscent of my childhood home in the High Desert in Southern California. It even has creosote bushes. If you have never smelled those in the air, you are missing out! Desert life isn’t always loved by many people, but it has its own defined beauty and it will always hold a special place in my heart.
First off, let me say Happy Martin Luther King, Jr Day! And I hope you are doing something in your life to impact the world for the better!
Hike 2: Salado Creek Greenway
Alright to the hiking! If you read last week’s hiking post, it rained all day( with some sleet and snow in some areas), so I didn’t get out that Sunday. My second hike of the year happened last Tuesday, Jan 12. This is a special day for me, as it is my brother’s birthday. If you’ve followed me for a while, you may know his story. But if you don’t, that is okay. My brother passed from colon cancer at the age of 33 in 2015. Since then, I’ve taken the time to ensure I do something for him on his birthday and also the day he passed (March 29th). It usually entails me going to a park to just sit and reflect on him and our life together or the last couple years, going on a hike.
We grew up in Southern California, and anyone who thinks of that immediately goes to…BEACH. And while yes we explored many beaches and city/local parks, we also spend a lot of time in the desert. We moved out to the High Desert in the late 80s/early 90s. I have plenty of fond memories of us adventuring in the deserts right behind our house. Finding rocky mountains and bike jumps. Exploring for what seemed like hours just by ourselves. All of that, laid the foundation of our “getaway” in nature as we got older. We were quiet, reflective and healed in nature. Something I am grateful for everyday that our parents provided us with.
I didn’t go on my “typical” hike (which is usually a dirt trail, rocky inclines and in the middle of no where lol), but I returned to one of our local Greenways here in San Antonio. I used to go on these for years when I used to run. That day I chose to start at the Pletz Park Trailhead from the Salado Creek Greenway. It was a chilly day, but worth the quiet. I barely saw anyone on the trail, a few joggers and bikers here and there. I walked the three miles to the Martin Luther King, Jr Park Trailhead and took a break to write in my journal to my brother. After about 15 minutes or so, I hopped back on the trail and headed back. I completed 6 miles, which in turn honored the 6 years my brother has been gone.
One of the things that does bother me on the city trails is the trash. Many of the creeks in town have so much trash. There were some beautiful shots, ruined by the presence of cups, plastic bags, clothes and anything else you can think of! I even saw an ice chest. I will be looking into trash clean-up days and what the city has planned (if anything).
Overall, the day was a great, emotionally filled day. A beautiful reminder that grief only shows how much love we hold. And that we should never take for granted the beauty that life does bring to us daily.
Hike 3: Enchanted Rock Natural State Area
Sunday hiking returned yesterday. My usual hiking buddies and I ventured to one of my favorites spots, Enchanted Rock Natural State Area. This was my sixth time there; with one friend, being her second and the other, her first. We ventured on the Loop Trail first, heading East towards Buzzard’s Roost. Of all the times, I’ve been there, I hadn’t ventured on that part yet so I was excited to see new things.
The best part about Enchanted Rock, is of course the “rock” itself, but really all the great climbing areas. Whether you are just up for an adventure, testing your limits, avid rock climber or bouldering, these rock formations are amazing! You will definitely have some moments of hesitation, but if you are like us, we go for it! And yes, we do know our limits and the times of….”if we were trained in rock climbing…” moments. So as always, with any hiking adventure you go on, know yourself!
Enchanted Rock itself, is pretty steep and is almost a mile (0.8) up from the bottom (starting at the Gazebo entrance to Summit Trail). Many people come to just hike it and leave. This was my 4th time up and even with a few mini breathing spots, it takes about 15 minutes to get to the top.
A highlight from this hike was finally hiking up Turkey Peak. We sat and watched the sun begin to set. We also heard coyotes in the area howling. It was pretty exciting. It started out as a few and then you could hear several all at once.
This trip also made me want to start some rock climbing classes this year, and of course, work on strengthening my bad knees. I recall trying to climb back in college and just never really went to try again. Such a shame, but that will change!
To learn more about the legends and history of Echanted Rock, check these sites out: