Tender Kisses

Blow kisses my way

Hope they land perfectly

Falling upon the tears

That shed

And creating peace

Where sorrow lives

Blow kisses my way

Hope they land perfectly

Falling upon my lips

That were formed for you

To melt our hearts into one

Blow kisses my way

Hope they land perfectly

Falling upon my forehead

To ease the anxiety

To allow my body to sleep at night

Blow kisses my way

Place kisses on me

Kiss me and all my worries away

1.6.2018

I Am The One

I’ve spent too much time over the years

Trying to prove my worth

To men, to boys

Who claimed that I was The One

I am The One

The One constantly losing

Because these men, these boys

Don’t know how to love me

I am The One

The One constantly fighting myself

To prove I can wait

For them to come back

When they are ready

I am The One

The One constantly questioning my

definition of who I am

Because I’ve let them manipulate me

Into thinking I need them for validation

I am The One

The One constantly loving

And giving more of me than I will ever

receive of them

Because that’s what unconditional love is

But they love with conditions

Conditions I can no longer meet

I am The One

This is true

The One they will forever compare others to

I am The One

The One respecting myself and leaving

you

9.17.2019

To Build A Nest

Blue Jay and A Branch

I’m sitting here watching a

Blue Jay hunt for branches

In order to built their nest

He picks random branches

Hoping it can be what they need

Some don’t give in

While others gladly accept

Yet sometimes the Blue Jay

Just leaves the picked branch

Not using it for their nest

And I wonder why?

Why does it allow it to fall,

Yet doesn’t take it for their home?

I wonder why, if the branch

Is willing to go

Why does the Blue Jay

Leave it to be broken?

Why am I that Blue Jay?

And why are you that branch?

Why can’t I use you?

And why did you have to fall?

Is it because you’re not what I’m looking for?

And at the same time

I don’t know what it is

That I am looking for

So I should be happy with

What I have…and that’s you

I need you in my home

I need your strength and support

I need your care

So why am I that Blue Jay

And you are that branch?

[04.06.2005]

Great Expectations

ex·​pec·​ta·​tion:

1. A strong belief that something will happen or be the case.

2. A belief that someone will or should achieve something.

Oxford Dictionary

We often have expectations for all things in life… whether it’s our expectation of self or with others in mind. We all have set standards for things. Work, friendships, relationships, projects, errands, etc. It’s natural. We have all learned at some point to adjust our expectations…but is that a good thing or bad? What happens when we do not meet our expectations? Are these the same as our needs? If we can not meet our own expectations how do we hold others accountable? Do we treat them differently?

Are You In or Are You Out?

I thought I should lower my expectations

but what purpose would that serve?

I deserve everything and more

I deserve the fight

I deserve the right

I deserve the truth

So my expectations stay the same,

Dare they even rise

Are you in or are you out?

[2.18.2019]

Do You See Me?

Trying to stay on a schedule for this blog…few days late (oops). But that is okay because I am here right now. Figured in these last few moments before slumber I could post a poem for the thousands of you out there (okay like 11 of you ha!-by the way, thank you for your follows and support!).

This poem is from 2016. Just raw feelings coming out after a recently surfaced love from the past. When the words you thought you wanted to hear just don’t make the cut.

And I Saw Her

And I saw her,

I saw her staring back at me

wondering “Why?”

Why would I continue to ignore?

Why would I continue to pretend?

Why would I continue to be the girl he thinks he could mend?

And I saw her,

I saw her look back at me.

The one that got away.

The one who loved unconditionally.

The one who cried more water than oceans have seen blue.

And I saw her,

I saw her wishes,

her dreams, her goals,

her never ending thoughts,

her hopes, her regrets,

her secrets.

And I saw her,

I saw her see the man he could be

versus the man he is now.

See the lies, the hurt, the guilt

versus the love, the respect, the pride he’s built.

And I saw her,

try to explain how she felt inside

but be realistic in her pride,

remain neutral

as love poured into her ears

and graced her heart.

And I saw her,

empty tears, empty fears, empty heartache

and empty mistrust.

And I saw her,

build those walls

all the while creating secret passages,

so that when he found them, he knew

how to find her heart.

And I saw her,

I saw her say,

“He’s always been the one, the one that got away”

“He’s always been the one, the one you had kids names picked out for”

The one,

who had you instantly at first sight.

The one,

who you had to have kiss you at night.

The one,

who always made you laugh.

And I saw her,

and she saw me.

Both wondering how could this be.

That after all this time,

after all that hurt,

He’s still got a hold on us.

He’s still our first.

He’s still the one you’d take home,

not matter his quirks.

He’s still the one we dream about.

And I saw her,

and she saw me.

We saw that love came back.

Love came back to rewrite us.

Love came back to fight for us.

Love came back to show the 19-year-old me

and the 30-year-old me

to believe.

To believe once more,

that we deserve love.

And I saw her,

and she saw me.

And we both laughed and hugged each other,

hoping that love would never break us apart again.

The love that doesn’t deserve us,

to return again.

-Lindsey K Payne, 2016

Peace and Love,

Lindsey 🙂