Tag: poetry

Love All the Parts of You

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A little background

It took years and hard work to love all of me. Every single part. When I wrote this poem (2017), I was in a bad depressive episode. Few knew it, I was a high functioning depressive. I seriously remember wanting to escape from the world and I didn’t know how to get myself right. For the first time, I was also experiencing anxiety attacks. I was prescribed meds that I didn’t like. They helped with sleep, but I was not me. And I so desperately just wanted to be me. The real me who got lost along the way of a destructive and unnecessary “relationships” and near death experiences, all while still dealing with extreme grief.

But I made it out. I focused on small steps and eventually found my abandoned heart. I picked her up and nutured her back. It took three years to find true healing and love within myself. The journey still continues, but both sides of me are balanced and working together this time. We aren’t losing each other ever again.

I’m happy I chose me, every single day.

Choose you too. ♡

She Deserves Your Love

You love the happy and goofy

But, dear Lindsey

Don’t forget to love the insecure and depressed you

She deserves love too

She wants to enjoy life to the fullest

So work on both versions of you

The happy to stay happy

The sad to grow happy

Balance your love

Don’t forget her

That’s why she is still struggling

You are forgetting her smiles

You are forgetting her desires

She deserves to love and live too

Love all parts of you

Even at the hardest times

Because that’s when she needs the love the most

Sincerely,

Your Sad Self

The one who deserves your love the most

[10.25.2017]

http://www.Rebirthselflove.com

Where I Belong

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I found my freedom in the rays of the sun

I felt the warmth of love shining down

Inhaling pristine air full of change

I cried to the heavens

This is my home

I found my freedom in the rays of the sun

I felt my spirit rise up with the stars

This is where my peace lies

There is no point to turn back to the life of undeserving

I found my freedom in the rays of the sun

That is where I belong

2.6.2021

We Could Have Been

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We could have been in love by now,

But egos and differences got in the way.

We could have planned

Our future by now,

But fear and doubts got in the way.

We could have everything by now,

But we are too stubborn,

We are too much for each other.

Love couldn’t step in, let alone stay.

Trust walked out months ago.

Respect talked itself dead.

We could have been a lot of things,

But it just wasn’t our thing.

1.18.2018

Your Love

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Your Love is not to be conditional

Your Love is not to be compromised

Your Love is not to be manipulated

Your Love is not to be taken for granted

Your Love is to be celebrated

Your Love is to be secured

Your Love is to be reciprocated

Your Love is to be loved

Love yourself enough to know this

Your Love is worthy of all you desire

[12.30.2020]

Hello, It’s Me…

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Hello, it’s me again.

I didn’t think you’d mind,
all the time we’ve spent together.
I thought I’d still be on your mind.

I didn’t think you’d forget me so fast.
Is my time gone from the hour glass?

Hey, it’s me again.
Remember how I used to hold your hand?
Remember the long kisses that would
make you lose your fight to stand?
Remember the long nights of talking?
Hearing your voice slowly fade,
as you tried to fight sleeping.

Yo, it’s me again.
Did you forget me?
I thought I meant the world to you?
I know I left, but I thought you knew,
I’d be back for you.
I tried to be cool,
Not front on missing you.
Didn’t you miss me?
You must be a fool.

What’s up, it’s me again.
You remember that girl still?
Nah, she wasn’t for me.
I told you, I just need you.
Remember our first date?
I told you I’d marry you.
You know I was serious.
I didn’t think you’d move on.
Seriously, just c’mon.

Sorry, it’s me again.
I know I did you wrong.
But you were always the one.
But you were different.
But you were supposed to wait.
I’m sorry, its so late.
I’m sorry, can we try again?
I’m sorry….

Hello?
*click*

Hello?
*delete*

Hello?
*block*

[3.19.2019]

Sunshine on Her Face

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Dear Love, with the sunshine on her face
I wish you much healing and grace
From those men who dared to
trespass your space
For they now know that their fate
can and will be erased
There is no room for the unwanted
There is no room for the taunting behaviors of a love misguided
There is no room for the soul that is simply just flaunting or undecided

Dear Love, with the sunshine on her face
I wish you much healing and grace
From those men who simply just don’t understand
That life is not made of only quick sand
That life is not made of only fires and storms
That life is not made of only pain and swarms
Life is created daily as the sun rises
Life is created daily as the water flows
Life is created daily as the leaf unfolds
Life is created in the love we hold

Dear Love, with the sunshine on her face
I wish you much healing and grace
From these men who simply don’t get it

They would know from where you sit
The life and love you hold within
Is where their life would only begin

Lindsey K Payne
1.8.2021

Ex Lovers

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To all my Ex Lovers,

I still love you

But I’m glad I chose myself

I got lost in your ways

Trying to hold on to you,

I was letting go of myself

I love you, yes

But keep your distance

I was not able to love us equally

And I can not give you what you want

I am focusing on me,

Again

Again, because each time one of you come

I fall again with no one to pick me up

Again, because each time I see your face

I recall the pain of losing myself

Drowning in your so called “love”

I am not trying again

Though, if you made me change my mind

I’d pray this would be the last time

The last time, I give any more of my heart to you

Hoping you would have learned how to hold me gently

Hoping you would have learned how to love me as I once loved you

Hoping you would have learned how to see what effort brings

I still love you,

Because I don’t take those words lightly

And you are still in my heart

The pieces I’m still trying to heal

The pieces I’m still trying to love so hard

It erases the pain for eternity

Dear Ex Lovers,

Do you still wish things were different?

Do you still wish you saw me during the times you tried to make me different?

Do you still wish that you told me earlier of the feelings you were hiding from me?

I still love you,

I’ll always love the hearts I tried to mend

Trying to show you, you were worthy of real love

While you stomped on my heart

Trying to show you, I was everything you needed

While I neglected my own heart

I was a fool for you

I was intently hanging on to every word, every syllable

He said it, he will do it

He said it, he meant it

He said it, he will show me

He said it, he meant no harm

I was a fool to think my love would have changed you

Or maybe it did,

But you waited until it was gone

To see it

I still love you, yes

I still think you deserve the best, yes

I still wish for your happiness, yes

I’ve just learned, in all the hard ways

I love too much

I wish the love I gave you,

I gave myself

So now, it’s my turn

So now, I deserve

So now, I wish

So now, I give

All my love to me,

The one love my Ex Lovers didn’t know how to keep

5.13.2020

Still Need Work

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You can’t tame every heart to love as you do.

You can’t tame every soul to feel as you do.

You can’t tame every body to give as you do.

Our expectations are not reality.

Our expectations are not the end all.

Our expectations are not promises.

We cannot ask someone to speak, if we are not ready to listen.

We cannot ask someone to give, if we are not ready to receive.

We cannot ask someone to know, if we are not ready to tell them.

Be kind to yourself, you are worthy.

Be kind to yourself, you are loved.

Be kind to yourself, you are seen.

I trusted you to not fall, but I allowed you to.

I trusted you to not project, but I allowed you to.

I trusted you to not mess up, but I allowed you to.

Every day is another day to look at yourself and recognize,

You still have time to grow.


4.29.2020

Lost Soul Seeking

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My soul is tired

She’s fighting for air

I tried to make her rest

But it’s just one thing

After the other

Overwhelmed and confused

Trying to get through the day

When only tears want to work

She’s ready to walk away

To get lost in a forest

And never to return

She’s ready

She’s ready

For everything to turn

3.12.2020

Sweet Dreams

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I close my eyes

Wishing for change

For when they reopen

That the memory within me

Comes back to reality

I am here

You are here

Nothing in between to keep us apart

When I open my eyes

The memory of you still exists

And I think back to those times

We had

And I think back to those

Tears shed

I wasn’t supposed to lose you

I wasn’t supposed to say goodbye

I wasn’t supposed to grieve you

I close my eyes once more

Thinking if I just try harder

You will appear

That you will hear me

That you will see me

That you will feel me

But when I open my eyes

You still are not there

I wish you were here

I wish you were here

I guess I’ll go back to dreaming

For there, you visit

For there, you speak

For there, you are

And I see you never left

I just have to find you differently

When I close my eyes

To sweet dreams

3.5.2020

In memory, JP ❤