Ex Lovers

To all my Ex Lovers,

I still love you

But I’m glad I chose myself

I got lost in your ways

Trying to hold on to you,

I was letting go of myself

I love you, yes

But keep your distance

I was not able to love us equally

And I can not give you what you want

I am focusing on me,

Again

Again, because each time one of you come

I fall again with no one to pick me up

Again, because each time I see your face

I recall the pain of losing myself

Drowning in your so called “love”

I am not trying again

Though, if you made me change my mind

I’d pray this would be the last time

The last time, I give any more of my heart to you

Hoping you would have learned how to hold me gently

Hoping you would have learned how to love me as I once loved you

Hoping you would have learned how to see what effort brings

I still love you,

Because I don’t take those words lightly

And you are still in my heart

The pieces I’m still trying to heal

The pieces I’m still trying to love so hard

It erases the pain for eternity

Dear Ex Lovers,

Do you still wish things were different?

Do you still wish you saw me during the times you tried to make me different?

Do you still wish that you told me earlier of the feelings you were hiding from me?

I still love you,

I’ll always love the hearts I tried to mend

Trying to show you, you were worthy of real love

While you stomped on my heart

Trying to show you, I was everything you needed

While I neglected my own heart

I was a fool for you

I was intently hanging on to every word, every syllable

He said it, he will do it

He said it, he meant it

He said it, he will show me

He said it, he meant no harm

I was a fool to think my love would have changed you

Or maybe it did,

But you waited until it was gone

To see it

I still love you, yes

I still think you deserve the best, yes

I still wish for your happiness, yes

I’ve just learned, in all the hard ways

I love too much

I wish the love I gave you,

I gave myself

So now, it’s my turn

So now, I deserve

So now, I wish

So now, I give

All my love to me,

The one love my Ex Lovers didn’t know how to keep

5.13.2020

Still Need Work

You can’t tame every heart to love as you do.

You can’t tame every soul to feel as you do.

You can’t tame every body to give as you do.

Our expectations are not reality.

Our expectations are not the end all.

Our expectations are not promises.

We cannot ask someone to speak, if we are not ready to listen.

We cannot ask someone to give, if we are not ready to receive.

We cannot ask someone to know, if we are not ready to tell them.

Be kind to yourself, you are worthy.

Be kind to yourself, you are loved.

Be kind to yourself, you are seen.

I trusted you to not fall, but I allowed you to.

I trusted you to not project, but I allowed you to.

I trusted you to not mess up, but I allowed you to.

Every day is another day to look at yourself and recognize,

You still have time to grow.


4.29.2020

Lost Soul Seeking

My soul is tired

She’s fighting for air

I tried to make her rest

But it’s just one thing

After the other

Overwhelmed and confused

Trying to get through the day

When only tears want to work

She’s ready to walk away

To get lost in a forest

And never to return

She’s ready

She’s ready

For everything to turn

3.12.2020

Sweet Dreams

I close my eyes

Wishing for change

For when they reopen

That the memory within me

Comes back to reality

I am here

You are here

Nothing in between to keep us apart

When I open my eyes

The memory of you still exists

And I think back to those times

We had

And I think back to those

Tears shed

I wasn’t supposed to lose you

I wasn’t supposed to say goodbye

I wasn’t supposed to grieve you

I close my eyes once more

Thinking if I just try harder

You will appear

That you will hear me

That you will see me

That you will feel me

But when I open my eyes

You still are not there

I wish you were here

I wish you were here

I guess I’ll go back to dreaming

For there, you visit

For there, you speak

For there, you are

And I see you never left

I just have to find you differently

When I close my eyes

To sweet dreams

3.5.2020

In memory, JP ❤

Fly Away

My spirit needs to fly

I feel it caving in

It’s getting harder to breathe

It’s getting harder to see

Some days I just need to be free

Walk away from everything

This emptiness is hard to fill

But each day I pour in love

Each day I tell the truth

Each day I provide space

Each day I make a way

To break away the pain

To break away the doubt

To break away the insecure ways

of my heart

One day, I will be free to fly

2.29.2020

New Intentions

In the morning, the sun rises

Nothing like the dawn of a new day

The rays gently peaking through the blinds

Eventually landing across my face

Never felt peace like this

Thinking it was an impossible wish

I‘ve found happiness

Once I allowed the doubt to subside

New meaning of life came alive

Setting each new day with new intentions

2.28.2020

Being

I’m learning to be me

Such a strange concept

How do you learn to be yourself?

Aren’t you inherently yourself?

Have you not been yourself since birth?

We have been molded and prodded into who we are

We have learned that everything from our past has made us

We have learned that society will see you a certain way

Regardless of who you “claim” to be

So, yes

I am learning to be me

Hopefully, you are learning to be you

Your “authentic” true self

The one you cherish

The one who looks directly at you in the mirror

The one who knows all your innermost thoughts and desires

You and I

We are learning to become our truest self

In hopes that one day

It doesn’t matter who we are

It doesn’t matter who thinks they know us best

It doesn’t matter what society claims us as

We are just

Being

2.27.2020

Lichen, Hill Country Natural State Area

First

I used to love you

Never thought you’d never be mine

Wished for you a thousand times

Written books in your spirit

Nightmares in your soul

I would have traveled the world

If you wanted me to

I would I have traveled for you

But greedy hands do not hold on

Selfish hearts do not bleed

And after years of playing with mine

You see

You see that my heart bled for you

My hands held on to you

My soul screamed at night for you

My spirit wrote your name in everything

Everything was about you

And while there will never be another time

I still find myself looking for you

I find you in others

Hoping one might be the better version of you

Hoping that they don’t have all your colors

I think I’m doing this all wrong

You still haunt me in my dreams

I wish you would leave

I wish I never told you I’d always love you

That you’d be my forever

That you were home

I used to love you

So much I couldn’t stand it

The pain and the relief

With just one look into your eyes

I used to love you

Before I learned to love me

I wish you were never mine

I’d be looking for some other to find

2.25.2020

My Way

I haven’t come all this way to back down.

I haven’t been and seen the worse of life to let it capsize me into ruins.

I’m here for a reason.

I must live my purpose.

I’m not here to tell you, you are my reason to live.

Because I’m my OWN reason to live.

I grow because the Sun woke me up, the Earth fed me and the Water refreshed me.

You tried to keep me inside for darkness to reign.

So you could stunt my growth to stay on your level.

We are not on the same level.

I am not the woman you need me to be.

I am the woman I need to be.

So sorry for your loss, I was too busy remembering her light.

I am too busy remembering, I had me before I even had the thought of you.

And, unfortunately, you no longer have permission to access her.

2.24.2020

Highs and Lows

It’s amazing how easily we can go

From high to low,

That the heart can go from

Emptiness to overflow,

From heartbreak to “I’ve never felt this before”

We try so hard to stay connected

We often fail to see the missing link

We try so hard to overlook the flaws

We often forget to see ourselves

In one second, everything can be fine

In one second, lives can be destroyed

In one second, love can be found

In one second, love can drown

This life is filled with highs and lows

Balance they call it

To have the good, you must have the bad

To know your strength, you must fall down

Get up

Get up

Get up

This is nothing to keep you down

Today is a low

Tomorrow is a high

2.23.2020