Reset

Hello, it’s me again! I’m officially back. Today starts Day 1 of getting back on schedule with my blog and poetry. To kick it things off, I’ll keep it sweet and simple.

Before You

If I could only remember
How it felt to be loved before you
I wouldn’t be searching for love in dried out souls

If I could only remember
How it felt to be loved before you
I wouldn’t be searching for unyielding promises

If I could only remember
How it felt to be loved before you
I wouldn’t be searching for pain to fill the void

If I could only remember
How it felt to be loved before you
I wouldn’t be searching for myself in the mirror

If I could only remember
How it felt to be loved before you
I wouldn’t have dared laid my eyes upon you

If I could only remember
I’d be the woman in love with self
Who knew that pain did not equate love

And I’m starting to remember…


[1.29.2020]

Withering Away

Withering daisy and I

I, I looking towards the sun

Yet, only receiving thunderstorms

Withering daisy and I

I, I looking for that love to quench

My thirst

Yet, only receiving waters run dry

Withering daisy and I

I, I looking for some support and comfort

Yet, only receiving empty hands and stares

Withering daisy and I

Red and bright

Tall and strong

Yet, day by day

Withering away

Daisy and I

Withering away looking for

That home for love

Looking for thay love to stay strong

Withering daisy and I

Hoping not to be forgotten

[1.8.2008]

Dear Soul: An Apology

Piece by piece

I gave and I gave

To the point I had nothing else to give

What good is a soul if you can’t feel it?

I wanted nothing more than to save you

Nothing more than to love you

Nothing more than to defend you

Nothing more than to provide you

All the things you needed

I began to fail, as I gave and gave

But to the wrong soul(s)

I neglected you to make them love me

I neglected you to make them feel better

No more, Dear Soul

I love you more than anyone who walks towards my door

Piece by piece

I’m taking back

I’m taking back

All the love I gave

To replenish my soul I took for granted

So I can be whole again

Dear Soul [me],

I’m sorry I was blinded by dreams

And words spoken by strangers

Instead of trusting you and loving you

To give me all I needed

Dear Soul,

Do you forgive me?

Love, me.

[1.18.2019]

Where Broken Hearts Do Not Mend

Alone

Alone

I don’t deserve to be alone

To be forgotten

And pushed to the side

Because your fantasies

Don’t allow me inside

Because your preferences

Dont allow me room

Because now all I do

Is sit in gloom

Alone

All alone

And its no where I want to be

No where I deserve to be

No where you deserve to be

Alone

Where broken hearts do not mend

Where roads miss the bend

Where tragedy strikes yet again

But I don’t want to be alone

But I dont want to be alone

I don’t deserve to be

Alone

[12.14.2011]

Great Expectations

ex·​pec·​ta·​tion:

1. A strong belief that something will happen or be the case.

2. A belief that someone will or should achieve something.

Oxford Dictionary

We often have expectations for all things in life… whether it’s our expectation of self or with others in mind. We all have set standards for things. Work, friendships, relationships, projects, errands, etc. It’s natural. We have all learned at some point to adjust our expectations…but is that a good thing or bad? What happens when we do not meet our expectations? Are these the same as our needs? If we can not meet our own expectations how do we hold others accountable? Do we treat them differently?

Are You In or Are You Out?

I thought I should lower my expectations

but what purpose would that serve?

I deserve everything and more

I deserve the fight

I deserve the right

I deserve the truth

So my expectations stay the same,

Dare they even rise

Are you in or are you out?

[2.18.2019]

Redirection to Healing

Young Lindsey was a “wise, old soul”

Things she spoke of, still surprise me

Things I thought I just felt

She already had the words

She already experienced

And it reminds me that life is still a constant circle

A circle I thought I broke

A circle I thought I could mend

But there are those feelings again

You can’t heal

You can’t blame them

You saw the signs, clear as day

Thought the preview was going to be different than the show

Return to your self

You can heal

Start from ground zero

and build yourself so high

Forgive yourself for the repeated mistakes

Thank yourself for lessons learned

Believe that you can trust in love again

See your own signs and redirect yourself

until you are on the right path

Remember what Young Lindsey said

She’s right there, she never left you

[2.18.2019]

To Forgive All, To Regret Nothing…A Heart’s Desire.

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”

Henry David Thoreau

Heart Wants Love

I’ve continued to ask this question,

“What do I want?”

It seems like such a broad question

with so many answers,

But I feel conflicted with them all

and I try to go with my heart.

My heart’s content means so much to me,

As it’s what keeps me alive,

beating in and out.

And so I ask my heart,

“Dear heart of mine,

What do you want?”

And my heart answers,

“To be completely healed from all previous pains,

To be loved like nothing else,

To be happy with the smallest, simplest

things in the world,

To have a man look at me with so much passion

it makes me skip a beat and sing,

To love hard and slow, great loves should

not be rushed,

To love with all of me

and hold full confidence in self,

To be content even if

it’s just I beating,

To forgive all, to regret nothing,

To live and breathe each day,

To have strength and wisdom

beyond my many years,

To love, to love, to love…”

And my heart continues to sing

Though it still feels pain,

Though it still chases a love so far away,

Though it’s strength seems to be dwindling,

So many wants in this world,

And my little heart of mine

just wants what it truly needs,

And therefore,

My lovely heart will continue to fight,

to fight in what it believes in and what it wants…

Mind, body, soul…my heart loves.

[2/14/2010]