Withering Away

Withering daisy and I

I, I looking towards the sun

Yet, only receiving thunderstorms

Withering daisy and I

I, I looking for that love to quench

My thirst

Yet, only receiving waters run dry

Withering daisy and I

I, I looking for some support and comfort

Yet, only receiving empty hands and stares

Withering daisy and I

Red and bright

Tall and strong

Yet, day by day

Withering away

Daisy and I

Withering away looking for

That home for love

Looking for thay love to stay strong

Withering daisy and I

Hoping not to be forgotten

[1.8.2008]

I Want To Be Free…

Like Water

Trying to find the right direction

Something that makes me

feel good

No longer satisfied with

being content

My heart wants to soar

My mind wants to flow

This world just isn’t enough anymore

I want to feel free

Like flowing water

Makes me wonder

How does it know

which way to go?

Which bend to make?

Which path to take?

It has its rough spots, calm areas

It’s slow and fast times

And no matter what

It just goes

Goes on like nothing ever tried to stop it

I want to be like the water

So peaceful and serene

Yet letting everyone know its voice

I want to be like the water

To keep going and going and going

Letting nature take it’s course

It does not wait

It’ll be around

Whenever those are waiting to be found

I love the water

I love everything about it

It’s time to just keep going

If I’m on the right path

I’ll know one day

and if not

There’s no trouble switching directions

Nothing can stop me

I’m like the water.

[4.19.2009]

Canyon Lake, Texas

Dear Soul: An Apology

Piece by piece

I gave and I gave

To the point I had nothing else to give

What good is a soul if you can’t feel it?

I wanted nothing more than to save you

Nothing more than to love you

Nothing more than to defend you

Nothing more than to provide you

All the things you needed

I began to fail, as I gave and gave

But to the wrong soul(s)

I neglected you to make them love me

I neglected you to make them feel better

No more, Dear Soul

I love you more than anyone who walks towards my door

Piece by piece

I’m taking back

I’m taking back

All the love I gave

To replenish my soul I took for granted

So I can be whole again

Dear Soul [me],

I’m sorry I was blinded by dreams

And words spoken by strangers

Instead of trusting you and loving you

To give me all I needed

Dear Soul,

Do you forgive me?

Love, me.

[1.18.2019]

I Chose You

Dear Heart,

I know you are in pain

feeling voids

even when you try so hard

to fill them.

Dear Heart,

please calm down

your love is not for fairy tales

your heart will not have crowns.

Dear Heart,

I love you

I’m doing my best

please settle down

and enjoy the rest.

Dear Heart,

we have healing to do

please don’t be mad

I chose you.

[3.14.2019]

March Reflections

I have been becoming a little more clear on some things in my life lately. Why my motivation tends to go in an out, back and forth, so many times. In this exact moment, I have been trying to figure out what to say. Does it matter what I have to say? Who will read this? Will it reach someone who needs to hear it? Will it be drowned out by the “popular”? I am not looking for overnight praises, if my audience is just a small group of people, that is great. If that small group of people feel inspired to do anything from what I write or take photos of, I have completed my purpose.

With that being said, I am feeling a bit lost again. I feel the most “lost” when I’m drained- emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have been off my routine a bit but back on it today. The last month has been physically draining on my body. I was sick for a few weeks ( still not feeling 100%) and then I injured myself last Monday. I say all of this because what was truly helping me was my walks. Being sick- with asthma flare ups- it’s hard to breathe, which means it’s hard to walk long distances. My injury involved my ankle and knees, which again takes away from my walks. I am not the type to stay still for too long, so this has just been a hard adjustment for me after I was doing such a great job. I don’t feel sorry for myself, I am just annoyed with my body. But even with that annoyance, I am grateful. I am grateful that I am healing- no matter how slow it is. I am grateful for having “minor” issues. I am grateful for the time to “slow down” physically as I have been non-stop at work.

With all of that, my focus on my personal projects should be increased, right? Yet, it hasn’t been so. I have to seriously look into myself and my goals that I have set and see what I am truly doing for myself. I was recently “confronted” in a way in being asked, ‘what are your goals for your self?” I named quite a few, yet they weren’t satisfied with the answers. They were still external projects. “What are you doing for my self? Your inner self.” While I have been doing well on my self-care practices, hearing that made me reevaluate. I realized that I have not directly set goals in that area. I have not directly been motivated to heal internally and set clear and direct goals. Maybe with those goals, I can stay motivated with the external goals. Maybe with those goals I can let this feeling of being “lost” go. It’s amazing how much work we have to put into ourselves and we don’t. We put in work at work. And that has to change.

If this seems a little all of over the place….welcome to my brain. 🙂 While the anxiety is slowing down, it is still there. But talking things out on here or my journal helps tremendously. So to whoever reads this, maybe you feel the same some days. Or maybe you recently moved on from this place. Or maybe you are like this woman is just…whatever. I appreciate you reading anyways. Today, I am just being reflective and patient towards myself. Goals are ever evolving.

Peace and Love,

Lindsey

Where Broken Hearts Do Not Mend

Alone

Alone

I don’t deserve to be alone

To be forgotten

And pushed to the side

Because your fantasies

Don’t allow me inside

Because your preferences

Dont allow me room

Because now all I do

Is sit in gloom

Alone

All alone

And its no where I want to be

No where I deserve to be

No where you deserve to be

Alone

Where broken hearts do not mend

Where roads miss the bend

Where tragedy strikes yet again

But I don’t want to be alone

But I dont want to be alone

I don’t deserve to be

Alone

[12.14.2011]

You Are Breathtaking

“Phenomenal woman, that’s me.”

Maya Angelou

Mother Nature, Woman

You graced us with this Earth

And while you are breathtaking

Man continues to devour you

Man continues to destroy your beauty

Man does not realize what you have

The strength you have to build mountains

The strength you have to cause storms

You have the power

Do not stay silent

You have the power

You birthed us

You gave us life in darkness

You are Mother Nature, Mother Earth

You are Woman

You can do it all and more

[3.8.2019]