Love, A Wanderer

I found myself in your laugh
I found myself in your smile
I found myself in your eye’s reflection
I found myself in your heart
I found myself in your soul
I found myself in your dreams
And yet, I still wander
Looking for my new place to call
Home
Looking for my heart as it continues to roam
Looking for my love as I walk pass my own reflection
Looking for my confidence to show
Looking for my reason and season to turn into lifetime
I found myself in you
But I’m still looking for myself in me, too

4.15.2020

Lost Soul Seeking

My soul is tired

She’s fighting for air

I tried to make her rest

But it’s just one thing

After the other

Overwhelmed and confused

Trying to get through the day

When only tears want to work

She’s ready to walk away

To get lost in a forest

And never to return

She’s ready

She’s ready

For everything to turn

3.12.2020

Sweet Dreams

I close my eyes

Wishing for change

For when they reopen

That the memory within me

Comes back to reality

I am here

You are here

Nothing in between to keep us apart

When I open my eyes

The memory of you still exists

And I think back to those times

We had

And I think back to those

Tears shed

I wasn’t supposed to lose you

I wasn’t supposed to say goodbye

I wasn’t supposed to grieve you

I close my eyes once more

Thinking if I just try harder

You will appear

That you will hear me

That you will see me

That you will feel me

But when I open my eyes

You still are not there

I wish you were here

I wish you were here

I guess I’ll go back to dreaming

For there, you visit

For there, you speak

For there, you are

And I see you never left

I just have to find you differently

When I close my eyes

To sweet dreams

3.5.2020

In memory, JP ❤

Fly Away

My spirit needs to fly

I feel it caving in

It’s getting harder to breathe

It’s getting harder to see

Some days I just need to be free

Walk away from everything

This emptiness is hard to fill

But each day I pour in love

Each day I tell the truth

Each day I provide space

Each day I make a way

To break away the pain

To break away the doubt

To break away the insecure ways

of my heart

One day, I will be free to fly

2.29.2020

New Intentions

In the morning, the sun rises

Nothing like the dawn of a new day

The rays gently peaking through the blinds

Eventually landing across my face

Never felt peace like this

Thinking it was an impossible wish

I‘ve found happiness

Once I allowed the doubt to subside

New meaning of life came alive

Setting each new day with new intentions

2.28.2020

Being

I’m learning to be me

Such a strange concept

How do you learn to be yourself?

Aren’t you inherently yourself?

Have you not been yourself since birth?

We have been molded and prodded into who we are

We have learned that everything from our past has made us

We have learned that society will see you a certain way

Regardless of who you “claim” to be

So, yes

I am learning to be me

Hopefully, you are learning to be you

Your “authentic” true self

The one you cherish

The one who looks directly at you in the mirror

The one who knows all your innermost thoughts and desires

You and I

We are learning to become our truest self

In hopes that one day

It doesn’t matter who we are

It doesn’t matter who thinks they know us best

It doesn’t matter what society claims us as

We are just

Being

2.27.2020

Lichen, Hill Country Natural State Area

First

I used to love you

Never thought you’d never be mine

Wished for you a thousand times

Written books in your spirit

Nightmares in your soul

I would have traveled the world

If you wanted me to

I would I have traveled for you

But greedy hands do not hold on

Selfish hearts do not bleed

And after years of playing with mine

You see

You see that my heart bled for you

My hands held on to you

My soul screamed at night for you

My spirit wrote your name in everything

Everything was about you

And while there will never be another time

I still find myself looking for you

I find you in others

Hoping one might be the better version of you

Hoping that they don’t have all your colors

I think I’m doing this all wrong

You still haunt me in my dreams

I wish you would leave

I wish I never told you I’d always love you

That you’d be my forever

That you were home

I used to love you

So much I couldn’t stand it

The pain and the relief

With just one look into your eyes

I used to love you

Before I learned to love me

I wish you were never mine

I’d be looking for some other to find

2.25.2020

My Way

I haven’t come all this way to back down.

I haven’t been and seen the worse of life to let it capsize me into ruins.

I’m here for a reason.

I must live my purpose.

I’m not here to tell you, you are my reason to live.

Because I’m my OWN reason to live.

I grow because the Sun woke me up, the Earth fed me and the Water refreshed me.

You tried to keep me inside for darkness to reign.

So you could stunt my growth to stay on your level.

We are not on the same level.

I am not the woman you need me to be.

I am the woman I need to be.

So sorry for your loss, I was too busy remembering her light.

I am too busy remembering, I had me before I even had the thought of you.

And, unfortunately, you no longer have permission to access her.

2.24.2020

Highs and Lows

It’s amazing how easily we can go

From high to low,

That the heart can go from

Emptiness to overflow,

From heartbreak to “I’ve never felt this before”

We try so hard to stay connected

We often fail to see the missing link

We try so hard to overlook the flaws

We often forget to see ourselves

In one second, everything can be fine

In one second, lives can be destroyed

In one second, love can be found

In one second, love can drown

This life is filled with highs and lows

Balance they call it

To have the good, you must have the bad

To know your strength, you must fall down

Get up

Get up

Get up

This is nothing to keep you down

Today is a low

Tomorrow is a high

2.23.2020

Content With Life

I’m content with life

Not happy

Not sad

Simply in the middle

As I continue to grow

Many people may not understand

How it is that I’m able to stand

And simply put, I’m content

I stand, yet I could still break

If given that opportunity

But most importantly

Even if I fall

I have the strength to get up

And continue to stand

I’m content with my life

Not happy

Not sad

Because things in my life

Still bring me down

But my determination

Is what keeps my two feet on the ground

My pride is what keeps me from

Buckling down

I’m content

Missing love

Longing love

Missing companionship

Longing companionship

But I’m content

Because those will

Come when most needed

And when I’m most prepared

Until then

I’m content

I will continue to be content

Because that’s what keeps me alive

That’s what keeps me joyful

That’s what keeps me sane

Being content

Without lover’s lane

10.5.2007