Category: Mindfulness Practice

NaturaLu Excursions: The 52 Hike Challenge 2021: Hike 4 and 5

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It’s been a long, yet amazing week. I went to a meditation retreat for the last few days and it was just the experience I needed to start the new year. While the focus of the retreat was on meditation and learning to be our higher selves, we experienced an amazing time surrounded by nature. You know I was happy!

The retreat was settled in the Lajitas Golf Resort in Lajitas, Texas. We were nestled between Big Bend National Park and the US/Mexico Border at the Rio Grande. Y’all…the landscape alone was enough to be immersed in. I saw some of the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets, not to mention it was pitch black at night! It was just an amazing spirit in the air. I will make that 7.5 hours drive again for those views alone.

Taken at Panther Junction Vistor Center, Big Bend National Park
Orion constellation in the middle. This area is also know for it’s “Oasis of darkness.”

Hike 4: Santa Elena Canyon, Big Bend National Park

On the second day of being in Lajitas, we traveled mid-morning into Big Bend National Park. A few quick facts about Big Bend. IT’S HUGE! Big Bend is 1,252 mi² and 801,163 acres! It borders the Rio Grande for 196 miles. Before we completed the drive to Santa Elena Canyon, we stopped at Sotol Vista off the Ross Maxwell Scenic Drive. From there you can see several points of interest, including the canyon creating a wide-open space in the middle of the backdrop. Santa Elena Canyon is split in half, with the north side in the US (Texas) side and the south side in Mexico (Chihuahua) side. While it is not tall in comparison to the peaks in the area, it sits at 1,500ft. The trail itself is short, going about a mile in, for two miles round trip. It’s great for all hikers and gives a bit of a challenge in the beginning climb to the trail. But nothing you can’t do!

Walking towards the trail. Santa Elena Canyon.
Looking at the Rio Grande and Mexico.
Southeast side of Santa Elena Canyon.

It was fun to hear people call out into the canyon, hearing the sound travel throughout. We stopped for a bit eat lunch and take photos before turning back. On the way back, we saw a pack of javelinas heading towards the riverbank, before they realized several humans were nearby, and turned around back into the shrubbery. While this was a very short hike for me, it was worth it. To see something so grand formed in nature and recognizing the strength that water holds. Truly a moment in time, I will never forget.

Inside the canyon, you can see the end of the trail in far right.

Hike 5: Mesa de Anguila Trail, Big Bend National Park

Entering the trailhead.

On the third day of the retreat, we had some downtime, so what better to do than find a trail close by! There were a few trails nearby, some walking distance and some a brief drive up or down the road. We decided to take on the walking distance one. With no map available, we followed the directions one of the resort’s porters suggested earlier. This ended up being the Mesa de Anguila Trail. Fun fact about this trail, it leads to the same range that Santa Elena Canyon cuts through several miles down. Due to time, we didn’t trek the actual mountain but reached its base and turned around. I found this trail map after the fact, but it appears the trail is about 8 miles to Santa Elena itself. We were able to complete 3.4 miles to and from the resort. I would love to venture into this trail the next time I visit.

Mesa de Anguila.
Mesa de Anguila behind me.

Overall, though both hikes were short, I love that I was able to have this experience. Big Bend is a magical place and I look forward to another trip in the future. I will probably try to be there for about 5 days. The park does offer suggestions on what trails/ranges to visit depending on the time of your stay. So if this is on your list, be sure to check out the suggestions and plan accordingly!

I was thankful for this landscape as well, as it was reminiscent of my childhood home in the High Desert in Southern California. It even has creosote bushes. If you have never smelled those in the air, you are missing out! Desert life isn’t always loved by many people, but it has its own defined beauty and it will always hold a special place in my heart.

Creosote Bush (Larrea tridentata)

Until the next adventure…

Lindsey

The amazing sunset on our last night there.
Lajitas Golf Resort

Outlets

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I recall listening to a podcast recently where they mentioned even if you don’t have anything to say or write, to write that down. You did what you could and to move on. It struck me because there’s been so many times I actually wanted to write and nothing would come to the paper. In my mind, I thought, “oh, nothing must be wrong. Great, I’m good.” Majority of what I’ve written in the past was an outlet for me. Outlet for anger, sadness, depression, whatever. So if I had nothing to write, I equated that to being “good.” And now, I realize I think I just needed a different outlet. I was tired of writing the same things and reliving the same things. How was I progessing? How was I moving on? Was there anything to my writing that was actually going to make a difference?

There was months, sometimes a year or more, when I just didn’t write. And I definitely wasn’t good. I tried other things, art was always good. Nature walks were the best. Music filled my soul. Therapy helped tremendously. Meditation calmed me. But in the end, I still came back to writing. I think it’s important to be able to recognize what we need in our lives. What changes need to be made or what can we temporarily switch out, while giving ourselves a break. Whatever your outlet is for self-care, I hope you continue to do it. I hope it provides peace and stability for you. Don’t be afraid to try new things and don’t worry if you lose the joy in an old thing, it’ll come back to you.

Peace and Love,

Lindsey

In YOU, I Trust

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“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

Maya Angelou

Every morning I listen to Calm’s Daily Calm (a wonderful app if you need anything for guided mindfulness practice or help to fall asleep- and more). Today’s theme was Self Trust.

I vividly remember conversations with people, specifically exes or people I was interested in, where I mentioned I don’t trust people but I also don’t trust myself. Looking back on that, I see that’s my own red flag. Something I saw in others as a red flag but didn’t always look at myself with that same lenses. Everyone has trust issues. EVERYONE- at least some point in their lives. But I think people have focused that distrust on others. They don’t trust people because what those people did to them. They don’t trust those people because what went down in their relationships- family, friends, lovers, etc. But has anyone really looked at themselves and asked, “Do I trust myself?”.

This thought immediately took me to the question, “Do I love myself?”. We tell ourselves we must love ourselves first in order to love others. Why don’t we tell ourselves to trust us first? If we can trust ourselves, we will make better choices, right?

I haven’t trusted myself in a long time (although I am definitely fixing that). Why don’t I trust myself? Simply because of the choices I’ve made. I read back at all my old poems and it was always about someone else. Always putting the blame on someone else. A few times on myself. I didn’t trust myself because I ignored my instinct to make better choices. I didn’t trust myself because I was so focused on other people, ensuring that they did me no wrong. Ensuring that they had something to prove to me. But I wasn’t making myself prove to self. I had all the high expectations for them and low expectations for me. I could do no wrong, I knew me. I thought I knew me. But that version of me took me to wrong places, wrong relationships. I chose to ignore signs from myself and signs from others. So I couldn’t trust others if I couldn’t trust myself not to break my own heart. I chose time and time again to stay in toxic relationships, non-committal relationships, narcissitic exes, and friends. Being lied to over and over by family, friends, and boyfriends. And the biggest culprit: ME. I lied to myself every waking moment thinking this time is different. I’m different, they are different, the situation changed, the environment changed, etc. Whatever excuses I made. I didn’t have trust or TRUTH in myself to just stop and move forward.

As I am on this journey to continuously find myself, love myself, respect myself, care for myself. I still was neglecting trust in myself. Sure I trust myself enough to know I had to put in action for my words. But truly acknowledging what I need to do? No. My self-trust has to be reevaluated and healed just as my self-love is. No one is perfect. We say that so many times, but people still believe in perfectionism. I am not perfect. I may say all of this today and tomorrow do something completely opposite. The difference is now, I am 100% aware that I have more work to do. That day two and day 13 may be hell to work through, but other days I will be fine and my journey towards self-trust will be worth it.

I hope that whatever point you are on in your journey to better yourself, that you find moments of clarity and that fuels you to do better. We can not give half of us when we are not full. Keep working on yourself and the life you desire will be given to you.

In peace, love and TRUST…


Live In This Moment

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Birds chirping

Wind blowing

Clouds creeping

The day is ending

All the stressors leaving

Finding peace and quiet

To calm your nerves

Live in this moment

Cherish this moment

And hope it never ends

[5.17.2018]

Change Your Mind

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“If you view the world through the same pattern for too long, your brain keeps it even if it’s not working for you.”

Shawn Achor, Calm Masterclass: Discovering Happiness

This journey to change my mindset has been a long one. In recent years, it has become better. There are still days of negativity and anxious thoughts, but day by day, I am learning to control those thoughts. Learning to clear my mind of that negativity and to move forward with focus and determination. To accept what is real versus what I have created in my mind. REALITY versus FANTASY. Anxious thoughts are just visions we create away from the truth. Why our brains do this, why we allow ourselves to do this, I don’t know. And everyone is different. We just have to continue to work hard on changing our stories about ourselves and what we view in our heads. Take your time and keep moving forward.

Clear Mind

Regardless of what you are feeling

you must have a clear mind

A clear mind

allows for new beginnings

A clear mind

allows for more positivity

A clear mind

allows for a refreshed soul

allows for a free heart

allows for no pain

A clear mind

Think only for a clear mind

for a clean side

Refresh everything

and things will be so fine

So good

So happy

Set a clear mind

Regardless of what you are feeling

[6.8.2009]

Gratitude

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“We fall down, but we get up.”

Donnie McClurklin

In this “next level” that I am in, I have been mostly focused on my inner self. I have “challenged” myself to do things daily to form better habits and to ensure that I am managing my stress, anxiety, and depression. Many of you know one or all three of those and it is not always a fun experience. Now all the things I am doing to help myself are not all new to me. I used to have a great morning routine (and evening routine), work out at the gym 4-5x a week, daily walks, eat healthy meals, get 7-8 hours of sleep, paint, journal, read, etc. I did all of this with 2-3 jobs consistently over the years. So what happened?

Life.

Do you ever feel emotional, physically, and mentally EXHAUSTED? Like no matter what you do, you just can’t get out of this?

The last 4.5 years has been a little rough. I was in a pedestrian accident and had knee surgery; my grandmother was put on hospice care; my brother died at the age of 33, only 7 months after being diagnosed with colon cancer; my family has been through so much pain and heartache, we can’t seem to heal from it. I have had more people I know die from cancer over the last year alone. My family drama never ceases to end and I always feel like I’m the one still trying to hold everyone together. Trying to keep peace and love in the air. If I’m silent about it, then I feel guilty.

With all of this and more going on, the hardest thing was losing my brother. That changed me forever. With that change, my anxiety became overwhelming. Everything triggers that loss. EVERYTHING. But in the spirit of my brother and the plea for my sanity, I had to make another change.

I had to remember (or find) my purpose again in life. I had to remember that death isn’t something we can escape and I am still here living and breathing (even if with more aches and pains). I AM LIVING. I HAVE LIFE. What would my brother or the others do if they still had their life? They certainly wouldn’t complain. They would be GRATEFUL for another chance. A chance that I already have.

Towards the fall of 2018, I began this new journey. I found a new therapist. (Side note: don’t be afraid to ask for help, whether you pay for it or you find a close friend or hell a stranger. Just do it.) I got back into a morning routine- this time with the help of Habit Nest’s “The Morning Sidekick Journal”. I journal daily with “Practice You: A Journal” by Elena Brower. I have started a NEW thing: Meditation (with guidance from the Calm app). I am on a 40-day streak! I am writing down 10 specific things I am grateful for daily. I am walking and exercising, eating healthy, sleeping BETTER. The list goes on. But with that motivation kicking back in. I also began this blog and let me tell you. This is not easy, but you have to WANT it. You have to be THANKFUL for your past experiences and you have to look forward to what is unknown. I am not an expert, I do not have it all together. I still breakdown (trying not to this moment), but I am so thankful for this time that I have given to myself. I am thankful that I do have a support system. I am thankful that I did acknowledge my feelings and that I acknowledged what my body needed. My motivation lies within me, but it is guided through my HEART. And honestly, that HEART is my brother. Whatever I do, I am doing it because he can’t and he is watching me so proud.

Whatever it is that you need, you find it and you never let it go. This is your life. You create your happiness and you create your sadness. Be thankful for your life and every second you have of it.

Peace and Love,

Lindsey 🙂

I dedicate this post to my brother, James “JP” Payne II. 1982-2015. He is always by my side.