The last couple of weeks have been a bit of a struggle. Being sick can definitely knock you out in so many ways. I am finally starting to feel more like myself and am so happy that today, a day I have off, is a SUNNY day. This weather puts me in a great mood. I seriously need to live in a place that is sunny all the time (any suggestions?).
Anywho, ( yes, I love to say anywho and I don’t care what anyone thinks lol) I was going to focus on grief and forgiveness today. It seemed fitting as I went to a friend’s father’s homegoing this morning. It’s not uncommon, but I just feel like more and more people surrounding me are losing people in their lives. It is life, of course. We live, we die…maybe we come back and do it all again. I don’t know. Every time someone passes, someone is born. We still have to celebrate life.
We never truly think someone will just be gone one day. We take for granted every second we spend with someone. We are so in love with life, we just can’t expect it to end, but as sure as I am writing these words it will. Many times we never get to say goodbye. Many of us live in anger then regret those feelings because we didn’t share those words we always meant to. Everyone wants to heal. Think about how many people are on their death beds and want to apologize or see someone for that last time. They want to mend themselves as well as the others before they leave. Similar to “don’t go to bed angry”. That does a toll on your life.
I am supposed to be writing forgiveness letters to people ( particularly a few men in my life) that I am still hurting from. One, in particular, is my brother, who unfortunately is no longer on this earth. While I have written to my brother what seems like a million times and have thought to forgive him, I also wonder if I have forgiven myself in regards to our relationship. That pain runs so deep and it is affecting me to this day- in ways I haven’t even thought about. So, my therapist suggested a letter. For him, maybe I will write it and read it to him the next time I visit his resting site. The others, I’m sure when I am ready I will send it or read it to them too. One day. Each day is a step to healing.
I don’t want to leave this world in pain. I want to be at peace, knowing I have made peace (or tried to) with everyone I have personally hurt and forgiving those who have hurt me. We all deserve peace while we are here, not just in death. Maybe your peace is no longer dealing with toxic people in your life. Letting the negative energy that drains you go. Forgive and forget, forgive and let go. Whatever it is… I hope you find peace in any grief.
Have any of you written letters to loved ones who have hurt you? Letters to yourself even? Have you experienced healing from it? What other modes of healing do you practice?
Peace and Love to you all. Don’t forget to tell someone important how you feel.