Trying to stay on a schedule for this blog…few days late (oops). But that is okay because I am here right now. Figured in these last few moments before slumber I could post a poem for the thousands of you out there (okay like 11 of you ha!-by the way, thank you for your follows and support!).

This poem is from 2016. Just raw feelings coming out after a recently surfaced love from the past. When the words you thought you wanted to hear just don’t make the cut.

And I Saw Her

And I saw her,

I saw her staring back at me

wondering “Why?”

Why would I continue to ignore?

Why would I continue to pretend?

Why would I continue to be the girl he thinks he could mend?

And I saw her,

I saw her look back at me.

The one that got away.

The one who loved unconditionally.

The one who cried more water than oceans have seen blue.

And I saw her,

I saw her wishes,

her dreams, her goals,

her never ending thoughts,

her hopes, her regrets,

her secrets.

And I saw her,

I saw her see the man he could be

versus the man he is now.

See the lies, the hurt, the guilt

versus the love, the respect, the pride he’s built.

And I saw her,

try to explain how she felt inside

but be realistic in her pride,

remain neutral

as love poured into her ears

and graced her heart.

And I saw her,

empty tears, empty fears, empty heartache

and empty mistrust.

And I saw her,

build those walls

all the while creating secret passages,

so that when he found them, he knew

how to find her heart.

And I saw her,

I saw her say,

“He’s always been the one, the one that got away”

“He’s always been the one, the one you had kids names picked out for”

The one,

who had you instantly at first sight.

The one,

who you had to have kiss you at night.

The one,

who always made you laugh.

And I saw her,

and she saw me.

Both wondering how could this be.

That after all this time,

after all that hurt,

He’s still got a hold on us.

He’s still our first.

He’s still the one you’d take home,

not matter his quirks.

He’s still the one we dream about.

And I saw her,

and she saw me.

We saw that love came back.

Love came back to rewrite us.

Love came back to fight for us.

Love came back to show the 19-year-old me

and the 30-year-old me

to believe.

To believe once more,

that we deserve love.

And I saw her,

and she saw me.

And we both laughed and hugged each other,

hoping that love would never break us apart again.

The love that doesn’t deserve us,

to return again.

-Lindsey K Payne, 2016

Peace and Love,

Lindsey 🙂